21

“장말 수고했어요”

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where to?

Where are you headed, at 1.52am? The birds are in their nest, suits and pencils have lain to rest.

Fitful; tossed by tomorrow some hit the clouds, their minds still terribly loud. Grasping hard for relief, desperate for some release.

Perhaps, you are a street lamp? They try so hard to be the sun, but not all can be done. The crown of hide and seek never belongs to the weak. Our shadow friends – you’ll never catch them.

Where are you going, at 1.52am?

Take me with you?

Reset.

the pulp moulds

under your fever

touch – it crumbles; feeble.

seep into the folds,

rewriting the untold:

Inhale, and fill

the days past

tire(d)less upturns

yet. Still last.

Exhale, and peel

back to the drawing board.

Higher

Hunter Valley, Sept 2017.

I climbed a tree,

and caught it’s tears.

I drank the sunlight,

flew from my fears.

I dropped my mind,

tried picking it up – too much too heavy a fight.

I need something,

more than anything.

A higher self,

but this time,

not on your shelf.

I chased shadows and lost colour.

My battle scars aren’t for show,

No. But that doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of them.

Lack

I want to say I did it because of my hopes, not fears.

I want to know what it’s like to wake up feeling happy.

I want to turn off the lights knowing I have given it my all.

I want to listen to the wind in the trees on my way home, and feel as light as the leaves.

I want answers to questions I shouldn’t ask.

I want to be able to open my eyes underwater, breathe with the wind in my face.

I want to know how to love you, but I’ve got to love myself first.

I want to be enough.