Cirrocumulus

each insignicant wisp of cloud

silhouettes a cardinal whole

catches your thoughts aloud:

maybe it was the distance that allowed you to hear it all at once –

not in an unforgiving cacophony – 

everything, just everything: 

Everything unfolds and presents itself to you, 

Bare. There. Fair.

It’s You’re all here.

All the pieces of you,

Undone; never any clearer,

And you have never felt so alive.

Light clouds heavy with tears,

you are a splitting image of gratefulness, 

of near hope and accepted fears.

“Take care”

“Take care.”

A smile, a hug. An air kiss emoji.

There is something about leaving people behind – those that have showed you incredible kindness you don’t deserve – that keeps you from heading to where you’re meant supposed to be.

Your vote of confidence means more to me than you will ever know; it helps, when I have none. I don’t tell people I have faith in them unless I mean it.

This unspoken parting, this uncertainty of ever crossing paths again. 

a dispersed seed. 

(I hope) you will recognise me? 

When If we do meet again?

All Over

Honestly speaking 

I can live with the lies.

Honestly speaking 

It gets better easier.

You’re better at it now

And you(re)new

Skin it in fool –

Not one of the few.

Just spill your hea(r)t 

All Over

Our cold shoulders

Don’t wait till you’re sober.

Age

When it is all you can be defiant in,

claiming the world at your feet,

inadequacy removed from the abundance of potential –
Life demands; an ineludible jolt.

The easiest excuse. The biggest leap.

And my youth is but a cheap handicap.

A vestige of the future.

Untoward

because the past cannot be contained

we carry them loud in our heads.

It bleeds and colours,

Bursts
A slow ache spreads

painful recollections never mentioned

steal your breath, and –

This whirlwind you could not suppress breakneck maelstrom you will not repress.
Once forgotten, 

Not lost.

Standstill

It’s like (b)rain freeze. You can’t breathe

too hard it’ll hurt from the inside out.

Hyper awareness, constant make up, paralyzing self doubt.

do what you have to


And what is that, exactly?

I keep reminding myself, love plus fear

equals anger.

I am trying 

to do right by you,

by me

But it has become too easy

like clockwork to sit in silence 

and crumble…

And the worst part? 
Knowing

I asked for this.

I blink, and oh – is this my life now?

Too surreal I don’t really feel it?
On my end,

letting go brings moments of breathlessness; both kinds:

A slap to the face, the winds here.

Cooling. Cold. A new pressure builds 

my (in)dependence : salt and pepper is really all I need.

Filing taxes, budget receipts, lost on campus, instalment debits, microwave meals, visa permits, and isolation.

I miss my (dead) hamster. 

Some days I just can’t adult.