X: [Choking, sentimentally] Caught up in you — for all the wrong reasons, you say…
O: better off not living this way, but how about it [stands with dazed look. Turns head left and right] Just today? [Pause] Spare me, time; I need some to —
X: breathe. [Anger rising, fists clenched] How is it that you don’t ever look back without knowing WHY? ALL THIS WHILE I could only look from behind [pants for air. Catches breath before falling to a whisper] won’t you stay for a bit?
O: I will only rest – just a beat. [Leans on wall]
X: It’s only been a few days but a few years have gone by. [Counts with fingers] Too many changes have come and died. [hands fall to sides] where are you seeing right now are you smiling or crying I wish I know why you are running ALONE I see your shoulders; sometimes [falls to knees] I want to quit, too.
O: [Pushes self off the wall] Everything is changing. [Paces on the spot] But me? Why?
X: 21; there’s alot left to do. [Deep sigh] Mis(s)takes — it hurts me to hurt them. I really wanted to do so well for them; but it’s me —
O: I’ve changed? [Looks heavenward]
X: It’s not too late for that break: I’m going to lie down. [Lies prostrate]
[O leans back against the wall, hands folded.]
[Simultaneously] Don’t wake me up.
the pulp moulds
under your fever
touch – it crumbles; feeble.
seep into the folds,
rewriting the untold:
Inhale, and fill
the days past
Exhale, and peel
back to the drawing board.
Hunter Valley, Sept 2017.
I climbed a tree,
and caught it’s tears.
I drank the sunlight,
flew from my fears.
I dropped my mind,
tried picking it up – too much too heavy a fight.
I need something,
more than anything.
A higher self,
but this time,
not on your shelf.
I chased shadows and lost colour.
My battle scars aren’t for show,
No. But that doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of them.
I want to say I did it because of my hopes, not fears.
I want to know what it’s like to wake up feeling
I want to turn off the lights knowing I have given it my all.
I want to listen to the wind in the trees on my way home, and feel as light as the leaves.
I want answers to questions I shouldn’t ask.
I want to be able to open my eyes underwater, breathe with the wind in my face.
I want to know how to love you, but
I’ve got to love myself first.
I want to be enough.
That anger stems from fear, and hate is a product of hurt. Above all, it is because we love.
Hunter Valley vineyard
Who ever decided now is the time
to be an adult
to live it up trying
to keep your feet on the ground
without being held down.
Whoever decided now is the time
to speak up
without speaking out
because one side is all
I can give I hope
that is enough for now.
Stories don’t change but maybe we go back to them because we do. Whoever decided for this story to be part of mine,